You're Not Being Attacked—You're Being Helped

Hey friend!

"You don't listen."

"You move too fast."

"You're hard to read."

"You micromanage."

Different people. Different situations. Same feedback.

And every time you hear it, you explain it away. You had a reason. They misunderstood. The context was different. They're being too sensitive.

Here is a recap of day 1 - 8

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Day 1 Challenge | Name it to Tame it: Notice the first emotion you feel today. Name it. Delay your response for 10 seconds. Then choose your next move intentionally and with clarity. (If you need more than 10 seconds, please take the pause.)

Day 2 Challenge | Own Your Triggers: Identify one trigger that keeps getting the best of you. Write down the story you attach to it… and rewrite it.

Day 3 Challenge | Watch your words: Today's Challenge: Before your next high-stakes conversation, pause and ask yourself: What exactly needs to be said here? Then say it—clean, direct, and fully aligned.

Day 4 Challenge | Impact Gap: Close One Impact Gap: Pick one interaction today—a meeting, a check-in, a piece of feedback and focus entirely on how it's landing, not just what you're saying.

Day 5 Challenge | You're not stuck: Catch Yourself in One Habit That Keeps Repeating and Choose the Opposite Action

Day 6 Challenge | Regulate Early, Not After the Blowup: Track Your Emotional Cues Today and Intervene Early

Day 7 Challenge | Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding

Day 8 Challenge | Audit Your Energy Drains and Protect One Boundary

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DAY 9 — The Feedback You Keep Dismissing

But here's the truth: If multiple people are saying the same thing, it's not coincidence. It's data. Everyone is wanting data...here is yours.

And that data? It's not criticism. It's a gift. It's showing you exactly where your next level of leadership lives.

(I know. I know. You can choose to unwrap the gift or not. But for the sake of this email, let's unwrap it.)

The Pattern That's Holding You Back

Feedback isn't random. When the same observation shows up in performance reviews, casual conversations, and 360 assessments, it's pointing to something real.

The question is: Are you listening for the pattern, or explaining it away?

You rationalize:

• "That was one situation where I was under pressure."

• "They just don't understand my leadership style."

• "I've been working on that—it's not as bad as they think."

And maybe all of that is true. But it doesn't change what people are experiencing.

Here is the good news!

The pattern people keep pointing out is your biggest opportunity for growth. Not your biggest flaw. Your biggest opportunity. Because once you see it clearly and address it, everything else gets easier.

Why It's Hard to Hear

Let's be honest about what happens when you hear the same feedback again.

It feels personal. When someone points out a gap in your leadership, it's easy to hear it as "you're not good enough" instead of "here's where you can get even better."

You don't always see it in yourself. 

You think you're being clear when they say you're confusing. You think you're being strategic when they say you're controlling. The gap between your intention and their experience is hard to spot from the inside.

You're measuring yourself by your best moments, not your typical ones. 

Yes, sometimes you listen deeply. But your team experiences your patterns, not your exceptions.

It's uncomfortable to admit you have a blind spot. Oh, I understand!!!

So it's easier to minimize the feedback or question the source than to sit with what might be true.

But here's the reframe: Feedback isn't an attack. It's a spotlight. It's showing you exactly where to focus your growth energy for maximum impact.

Today's Challenge: Get Curious About the Pattern. Pick one piece of feedback you've heard more than once and lean into it with genuine curiosity.

Step 1: Name the recurring feedback. What have multiple people mentioned about your leadership? Write it down without judgment. Just the facts.

Step 2: Ask yourself: What if they're seeing something I can't see? Not "what if they're right and I'm terrible." Instead: "What if this is a real gap I've been too close to notice?"

What might be true here? What could shift if you addressed it?

Step 3: Ask someone you trust for specifics. Go to someone who's given you this feedback before and approach it with openness:

"You've mentioned before that I [specific feedback]. I want to understand it better so I can improve. Can you give me a recent example of when you saw me doing that?"

Then—just listen. Don't explain. Don't justify. Take notes. Ask clarifying questions. Say thank you.

Step 4: Choose one small shift. You don't have to fix everything at once. Pick one behavior to adjust based on what you learned.

• If the feedback is "you don't listen," commit to pausing before responding in your next three conversations.

• If it's "you move too fast," commit to asking for input before making the next decision.

• If it's "you micromanage," commit to delegating one task fully and resisting the urge to check in for 48 hours.

One shift. Consistent action. Let people experience the change.

Why This Matters

The best leaders aren't the ones who never get feedback—they're the ones who actually use it.

When you're open to recurring feedback, you show your team that growth matters more than ego. That you're willing to adjust. That their experience of you is important enough to take seriously.

Feedback is competitive intelligence on your leadership. It tells you exactly where your next breakthrough lives.

You don't have to be perfect. But being coachable? That's what separates good leaders from great ones.

One pattern acknowledged and addressed creates more growth than a dozen strengths left on autopilot.

Reflection Question:

What feedback have you been hearing—but not fully absorbing?

And what might open up for you if you actually leaned into it?

Here's the EQ connection: Self-awareness isn't just what you think about yourself, it's your ability to see yourself through others' eyes. When you stay curious about recurring feedback instead of defensive, you're demonstrating the core of emotional intelligence: valuing impact over intention. The leaders who grow fastest aren't the ones who avoid feedback—they're the ones who actively seek it, sit with it, and adjust. That willingness to close the gap between how you see yourself and how others experience you? That's where real leadership transformation happens.

Day 10 will be on Monday and then I bid you adieu. Happy Holidays! 2026 Newsletter will be different,but remain impactful.

With gratitude and impact,

Nicole F. Smith, CEO/Founder, JMS Creative Leadership Solutions

Creator of the EQ Impact® Framework

P.S. Recurring feedback isn't a flaw report. It's a roadmap to your next level. The question is whether you're brave enough to follow it.

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Before You Go — A Quick Note

If you’re thinking about bringing EQ Impact® into your organization or want to work with me directly…

My 2026 calendar is already filling up.

I want to see you and your organization win. So here’s my commitment: I’m offering a limited-time discount to organizations and individuals who secure their 2026 slot now. If you’re serious about elevating your leaders, this is your moment. Claim it before it’s gone.

Now is the time to connect.

Let’s talk about your goals, your people, and the emotional stamina your organization needs to thrive.

Book Nicole Now!

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Thank you for being part of this journey with me. This isn’t just my story — it’s ours.

Together, we’re building leaders, including yourself, to lead with courage, compassion, and emotional brilliance.

Want to set up some time? Let's talk: Click here!

Leaders choose to work with me and my team because we don’t just talk strategy. We build emotionally intelligent leaders who lead with clarity, presence, and purpose.

You're receiving this email because you’re not interested in performing leadership. You’re here to practice it.

You booked a call, joined an event, or signed up because something in you said, it’s time to lead differently. You’re ready to create a life and business rooted in who you are—not in outdated rules or titles that never fit. And we’re here to help you do exactly that—with emotional intelligence at the center.