I Avoided The Decision To Be Direct

This newsletter is written with women in leadership in mind.

Not because others don’t face these challenges, but because women are more often rewarded for being agreeable and penalized for being clear.

If you’re not a woman and you’re still reading, that’s intentional. Because the moment you’ve ever softened a decision, delayed a boundary, or questioned your authority to avoid fallout, you’re in this conversation too.

This work sharpens leadership across the board. It reduces second-guessing. It strengthens decision-making. It closes the gap between what you intend and how you’re experienced.

I later realized that “keeping the peace” wasn’t a lack of emotional intelligence for me, it was an undefined shadow. A learned response. A way of scanning the room for safety instead of trusting my own clarity.

Thank goodness! I wasn't broken!

The moment I stopped managing other people’s comfort and started honoring my internal authority, my leadership stabilized.

Read on.

What Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Coaching Does for Women in Leadership

I avoided the decision to be direct. And it cost me. I knew what needed to be said. I knew what needed to change. And I chose comfort instead.

Not because I lacked clarity. Because I didn’t want to disappoint. I didn’t want to be misunderstood. I didn’t want to be seen as “too much.”

So I softened the message. Delayed the conversation. Told myself I’d circle back.

That was the moment.

The moment I realized I was leading to be liked instead of leading with clarity.

Internally, it sounded reasonable. Externally, it created confusion.

I told myself I was being considerate. What I was really doing was outsourcing my authority.

Have you been there?

• You know the standard, but you don’t enforce it because it is more of an expectation.

• You feel the misalignment, but you explain it away

• You sense the erosion of trust, yet keep the peace

(*See below for more info on Expectations vs Standards.)

This is where many women in leadership get stuck.

Not because they aren’t capable. Because they’ve been conditioned to value approval over clarity.

Leadership coaching grounded in emotional intelligence doesn’t start with confidence. It starts with honesty.

Honesty about where you hesitate.

Honesty about why you hesitate.

Honesty about the cost of that hesitation.

Ask yourself: Does this feel like you?

• Holding back to avoid tension

• Over-explaining to prevent pushback

• Questioning your instincts after every decision

That’s not a personality flaw. You are not broken. That’s a leadership signal.

And it’s exactly where the real work begins.

The Shift Happened!

When Self-Trust Becomes the Standard

The shift didn’t happen in a meeting.

It happened that one time I paused before speaking and chose not to override myself.

I stopped negotiating with my own clarity.

I said the thing. I held the boundary. I let the discomfort exist. I sat in it.

Nothing collapsed.

What changed was everything underneath.

The moment I trusted myself, others adjusted. Not immediately. But consistently.

That became the non-negotiable.

Not approval. Alignment.

Leadership coaching grounded in emotional intelligence for women is not about being softer. It’s about being steadier.

It teaches you to:

• Regulate your response instead of reacting

• Communicate without cushioning the truth

• Hold boundaries without over explaining or over talking yourself into exhaustion

This is leadership identity self-discovery work.

You start asking,“Is this clear and aligned? How will this land?”

That’s self-trust in action.

And once it’s established, everything changes:

• Decisions get cleaner

• Conversations get shorter

• Respect becomes consistent

So let me ask you:

Does this feel like the moment you’re in?

Are you ready to stop leading from approval and start leading from clarity?

If so, this work is for you.

If you’re ready to make clarity your standard—not just your expectation—reply to this email or explore my EQ Impact® coaching options for you, your team, or that colleague that may have a blind spot.

Talk soon!

Nicole

nicole@thenicolefsmith.com

WAIT! Do YOU know the difference between Expectations vs Standards? Yeah, that is what I thought. This has come up quite often over the past month. I would ask my clients, "Do you know the difference between expectations vs standards?" [Crickets] See, here is the thing, you think you do until someone ask. Let me help you. View the video and download the document to help.